07 October 2010

Not Settled

My head's all over the place. I'm not settled anywhere, I'm not happy with my employment situation, and I'm missing my husband. I guess that's why I'm throwing myself into NaNoWriMo a bit more than I would normally.

I have been really stressing on whether or not I should publish my NaNo chapters or portions of it as I go. There are a couple problems with this:

  1. I open myself up to the risk of having someone plagiarize because there wouldn't be an official copyright on it
  2. If I ever did want to publish the novel a publisher may never pick up the work because it could be seen as "previously published". Apparently that doesn't sell.
  3. The quality of the "publish as you go" would be really shit, and is that how I want to attract publishers/agents? Probably not. (Also aware that this is a pipe dream)
  4. Doing this might (most likely) demotivate me. When I publish anything on FF.net an I don't get any feedback or favourites I become really disappointed. Like, really. I know this isn't a good thing but if I can't get any acknowledgement on the playground how am I supposed to get any when I work? 
I  could be over thinking all of this as well. Like I said, I'm a bit all over the place personally at the moment. I could be just being hard on myself because I feel like I should have written more in the last couple years and have written more in the last couple months period. But it's hard to find a writing routine when your life just has no routine: I feel like I'm just couch surfing at the moment with no familiar nook to call my own. 

But sometimes I get these looks and responses when I tell people I am trying to write a novel that give you the impression that you should just give up. Night shifts make life really difficult and I know I get cranky and extra sensitive after a couple shifts, but sometimes I feel like it would be easier to cave to the pressure to give up on my hobbies and do what every other nurse does... which seems to be gardening in the summer and baking in the winter.... 

My last thought on my life is: why do people call getting married "settling down"? I feel so far from feeling settled. Like, what does that even look like? 

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