As much as I enjoy seeing old(er) pictures of people I know, to see the changes and transformations that they've gone through, see what they got up to as younger versions of themselves (particularly what they were wearing), I hate when people want to see what I looked like or know what I was like when I was younger.
I'm toying with idea of #throwbackthursday because on Saturday was my second anniversary of living in the UK. I wrote my "Knowledge of Life and Living in the UK" (or something like that) exam on Tuesday as part of my application for a settlement visa. And it's been 10 years to the week since I graduated from high school.
A long time ago, I saw a media clip of pivotal events and major innovations during human history that drastically changed and improved people's lives. In this clip the gaps between innovations became closer and closer together, and at the risk of sounding old, I can say that a lot has changed in the last 10 years. MSN Messenger, MySpace, ICQ, LiveJournal replaced by Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and WordPress not necessarily in my lifetime but just in the last 10 years.
Other things have changed quite a bit in the last 10 years, including people's attitudes towards body image and health. I was in high school on the cusp of change, when the concept of accepting different body types was sort of surfacing in the media. But that meant that I grew up with a lot more concepts of body shame versus body acceptance in some of my most formative years. Not that I'm going to lay a sob story out today, but it's hard to change your way of thinking.
I'm bringing this up because my trainer asked me to write a testimonial for her and her business (which I'm excited to write) she also asked if I had any pictures of myself from before I started training, any bikini pictures preferably to show the change more obviously.
I don't have any bikini pictures.
I went through 10 years of pictures and not one picture of myself in a bikini. Hardly a picture of me at all, never mind me at my heaviest. Selfies just weren't a thing and there was enough body shame going around that "plus size" people just didn't wear bikinis. On the one hand I'm sad that there's no evidence of the progress I've made but on the other hand I'm glad that Facebook wasn't around to ingrain my former self into people's memories. It's nice to have moved to a place where people have never seen me at +90kg or with such horrible low self-esteem as I did 10 years ago.
I don't know if my high school is putting on a 10 year high school reunion, and I know some people get really excited for that sort of thing, but I'm quite relieved I'm not in a position to go to a reunion. I'm happy to leave my 18 year old self where she is because my 28 year old self is so not just "so much cooler" but she is more inspiring, more motivated, more friendly, and more comfortable in her own skin. I wouldn't trade the last 10 years for what I've gained.
OK, maybe one or two years.
So here's to the only #throwbackthursday I'll like ever participate in: